Final Goodbyes
by Chris Kenworthy
Summary: After finding out the truth about Alex's death, his friends go back to the cemetery to say a few words to him again.


The sun shone brightly down on the green grass and the grey stones, and white clouds hung in happily against the bright blue sky of New Mexico in late spring.

But none of the six young people making their way through the cemetery were feeling bright or happy. They had come here to say their last goodbyes to a friend.

As the low gravestone with the carefully arranged flowers at its feet became visible, there was a marked decrease in the speed of the approaching visitors. Nobody seemed to want to be the first to get there.

Finally, the tall young man with the dark hair took the lead, stepped away from the girl who hadn't let go of his hand, and spoke out loud, addressing the monument.

"Um, hi, Alex," he began uncertainly. "It's Max. We found out who killed you this morning. It was Tess - but then, you already knew that, didn't you?" Max Evans chuckled hollowly at the non-joke.

"I can't believe I let this happen to you." Max took a deep, sighing breath. "You would never have been involved in any of this if it hadn't been for me. If I hadn't gotten careless up on that old mine road. You'd be alive and well, totally stoked about summer and senior year, just the way things should have been. But I had to crash the Jeep and wind up in hospital, starting both of us on a road that leads right... here."

"I should have saved you. I should have known something was up with that stupid 'trip to Sweden.' I definitely should have realized that you were too different after you got back - I'm sure it wouldn't have been too late to help you then."

"Most importantly," Max was waxing soliloquous now, while the rest looked on in stunned silence, "I should have paid more attention when **everybody,**" (there was a dark stress on that word,) "warned me to be careful of Tess' motives. I let her into our lives, and I'm the only reason she sent you to Las Cruces."

"I didn't even believe the truth after it had h-happened." Max's voice was breaking now, here and there. "I sat there and listened while Liz told me _exactly_ what had happened to you, and I was too deaf to believe any of it. Worse than that, I..." Max broke off and stared over at Liz Parker with tear-filled eyes. A deepening of the frown on her face told him that she knew exactly where Max's thought was leading, but she made a 'go on' gesture with one hand.

Max didn't want to go on, no matter what Liz signalled to him. But this final confession demanded no less than the whole truth. "I let that bitch... into my heart. Mere days after she'd taken you from us." A choked sob from Liz's direction answered those from Max himself.

Something in that moment cost Max the rest of his strength, and he crumpled at Alex's tombstone, tears flowing down his cheeks, and sobbing more loudly. "I hope... you can... forgive me, man." A long pause filled with deep breaths. "Because I don't think I can forgive myself..."

"No!" Suddenly Liz charged forward, wrapping her arms around Max's crouching body and getting it standing again with infectious willpower more than physical power. "You can't blame yourself, Max. That's not why we're here - it's the worst thing we can do. Agreed?" Max nodded dully, and Liz looked over the rest of her friends as if daring any of them to disagree. None did.

"I... I'm done," Max muttered as he composed himself. "Isabel?" Max knew that Alex had meant more to his sister at the time he died than he had to any of the rest of them.

But Isabel shook her head slowly. "I've been talking to Alex ever since 'it' happened and I said my final goodbyes last night. What **Tess** did doesn't change them." She spat out the name as if it hurt her mouth, Max noticed.

"Then I'll go," Kyle said, his voice sounding very quiet, not at all like his 'uninhibited jock' persona. But then, they had all learned there was a lot more than that to Kyle Valenti recently.

"I never did know you very well, Alex," Kyle began in hardly more than a whisper, his voice formal and slightly stiff. "You were always 'one of Liz's friends...' when I thought about you at all. What Maria said at the school memorial about nobody caring about you until you were gone - that hit me." Kyle's hands impacted as a light fist on his chest, as if in demonstration. "Because I'm one of those people who never noticed you until you died."

"Except for a few times, that is, where I got a glimpse of why you were so special to these people who knew you better." Kyle waved a hand mostly in the directions of Liz, Maria, and Isabel, though with a bit of effort you could argue that Max, Michael, or both had been included. "Like the time I dragged you into the Gandarium cave. You knew better, you would have gone for Liz and the gang, except that you didn't want me to go into danger alone. The truth is, neither of us should have set foot in there, and you're the one who saw that."

"But you were amazing about being death-trapped with me. You were funny, you were smart about surviving, you were witty, and you were brave as hell. You helped me keep going, and you helped me figure out how to help Michael toast the crystal queen and save our butts." Kyle grinned self-mockingly, and everyone knew he was understating the case.

"Even the little moments are burned into my memory. Vegas - the way you **insisted** on blowing your whole stake on a single hand of blackjack. And the impression of my Dad you did on the plane." Kyle laughed almost silently. "The way you let me talk myself hoarse to you over the phone, when the rest of the gang was up in Copper Summit, and I... was worried about Liz." He cleared his throat in embarrassment.

"I'm not gonna go on about how wretched I feel for letting you down," Kyle resolved aloud. "Liz is right - that kind of talk doesn't help anyone. But I bet you can guess how I feel. I helped Tess bury the truth with my own hands. Sure, I know what you'd say - I was under control; I didn't have a choice. But you were able to resist Tess' mindwarp, that last day. Maybe I could have, if I tried hard enough. I'll never believe that Tess destroyed your mind. You had so much more up there than I did."

"It's times like these that it's so comforting for me to believe in reincarnation," the young Buddhist decided. "I can so totally picture you flying over Frazier woods as a wise and strong owl, or maybe swimming in the ocean with the other dolphins. But then again," Kyle let a laugh escape. "Knowing you, Alex, you'd probably want to be reborn in your next life as an alien."

The laughter started with Liz and Maria, and spread to Isabel, and then Michael and Max joined in. It felt good to laugh again. Kyle nodded and stepped aside, going out on a high note.

Maria and Liz shared a side-long unsure glance, which Michael noticed. "Hey, Alex," he said, stepping forward. "Well, what can I say? It was a real raw deal, what you got. And you kicked it dealing with **our** baggage and still trying to protect the three of us." He waved at himself, Max, and Isabel. "I won't forget that." Michael stood over Alex's grave at this point, somewhat awkwardly.

After a few long seconds, he seemed to get some idea of what to say next. "If you're in some kind of afterlife, Alex, don't waste it. Find yourself some sweet angel," and here he smiled tenderly over at Maria, "a little bit of the cosmos you can call your own... and see if you can find some way to spend eternity that'll make the universe a little better. But hey, you know that better than I do. Good luck, man." He stepped away from the headstone and waved Maria in to replace him.

Maria shot a desperate look once again at Liz, who nodded, so Maria nervously stepped up to the 'stage' next to Alex's plot.

It was a long time before she said anything though, and when Maria finally did, the words were "Alex, you know I'm no good at this kind of thing!" A soft murmur of friendly laughter surfaced here and there, but for only a moment.

"Let's see," Maria started again. "I love you and I'll always miss you. I'm glad that we - and by we I mean Liz - solved you murder and put your spirit to rest. And I... I don't have any words for how I feel about Tess and what she did to you. At least, not any I want to say. Even **thinking** the ones that come to mind is bringing me down closer to Tess."

"Well said," Max said impulsively, and Maria nodded her thanks. After a second's thought, she decided to make that her exit cue. Sinking down almost to her knees for a moment, she laid her hand flat against the side of the gravestone. "Goodbye, dear friend," she whispered in a voice choked with sudden tears. "You should have been with us longer." She stayed there a few more moments, then slowly stood up and walked over to Michael, who knew enough to wrap the girl he loved in as comforting an embrace as he could manage.

Liz looked around. "Well, I guess it's just me left. Unless you've changed your mind, Isabel?" With a wave, the brunette girl encouraged Isabel to go ahead.

Isabel Evans laughed softly. "If I had changed my mind, I think I would have dibs on the last word," Is pointed out with a faint trace of humour. "But I haven't. Go ahead, Liz."

Liz stepped forward to stand next to Alex, and like Maria, seemed to spend a lot of time figuring out what to say. "You've been one of my two or three best friends in the world ever since I was ten, Alex," she started finally. "You once told me that if anyone had asked you who you would trust with your life, before you got involved with any of these secrets, you would have said me. And that after I refused to tell you Max's secret, you didn't even know me anymore." She sighed. "Well, I don't think either of us understood this at the time, but when you came to the hospital at my call and let us take your blood, you were entrusting your life to me. Because it could never be the same, after that day. And I'm not so sure I took good care of it..." Liz noticed some restless shifting in the 'gallery,' and put up a hand as if to forestall any objections.

"Not blaming myself," she claimed. "I just need... to try and put some things about Alex's life and death in perspective, okay? There's a difference." Max and Maria didn't seem completely satisfied, but they settled down somewhat.

Liz took a deep, sighing breath. "Max said it was his fault that you got involved with all this, Alex, but really, the choices to bring you into the situation were mine. I think you'd have wanted to help - to be a part of the group even if nobody had dragged you in - " Liz's gaze lingered on Isabel, all radiant beauty even in her grief... "in fact, I'm sure of it. But did it pay off the cost? Would you have chosen this road if you'd known it would lead you to an early death?"

"Yes!" Kyle exclaimed suddenly, and five pairs of eyes turned to stare at him in surprise and maybe a few hints of disapproval for interrupting Liz's speech. "Well, that subject came up when we were trapped in the cave," Kyle explained. "Alex said it was worth it to die, considering that he knew this huge secret that so few of the billions of people living on earth know. I'm not **completely** sure if he wasn't partly trying to keep me from panicking, but he made a pretty convincing case."

Liz smiled at that thought. "Thank you, Kyle," she said, and then tried to get back to her eulogy. "Alex, you've given me so much, and there's nothing I can do to pay you back, except maybe to carry a little piece of you in my heart, as I carry on in my journey through life. Not that I could really help but do that. All the world is worse off that you're gone, but we're doing better than most of them. We got to know you." She bowed her head respectfully and stepped away from the grave site.

For long seconds nothing was said, as each of the six remembered Alex Whitman in silence. Then Max nodded and started to lead the way back home. Liz, Kyle, and Isabel followed. At first, only Michael realized that Maria was still standing about as motionless as could be imagined. "What is it, baby?" he whispered softly.

"I don't wanna go," she answered back softly. "I don't want to leave him. I still can't face the thought of going back into the real world out there... and Alex not being there because he's _here_!"

"I know," Michael agreed softly, and something in his voice made Maria look up into his face. For the first time that morning... possibly for the first time **ever,** tears were brimming in his eyes. "But what else can we do? Our lives are out there, and Alex wouldn't want us to stop living our lives just because he lost his, would he?" Looking into Michael's face, Maria was surprised to see that every bit as much pain as she felt stared back at her.

Maria smiled sadly and kissed Michael. "No," she whispered finally. "He wouldn't." And she turned and walked away from her friend's final resting place, and Michael, after several long seconds, followed.

"I should have figured out the truth sooner," Liz announced out loud, unable to leave the graveyard without admitting that thought, self-blame or no.

"Without you, we would never have known," Max reminded her. And he kissed her too.


End file.
